Sleepless, but not in Seattle.

I know this is the second post of the day and that is not what I do but, I am going to take the weekend off for getting some pending research work done with and also, to dust off my old diaries for you all. So, go ahead and enjoy this last post for the week, last post of my first week of Writing. It feels super!

The following post is a real time excerpt from my diary. Illeism, the act of referring to oneself in third person instead of first person, is not really my pick of writing style but have always wanted to try my hand on it.

Enjoy.

                         Sleepless, but not in Seattle. 

 

 It was 2 am. That is 2 hours after she wrapped up her day’s work, got into bed, plugged in some soothing music and drifted into the darkness of that cubicle of a room she had been living in for the past 5 months. She had recently moved to this new place for further studies and moving to new places always excited her. She was excited to be here. Amongst new people, people from all possible corners of India and even Neighbouring Nations. She was astounded to be amongst these people and making new friends. She loves making new friends. settling in was easy as she had been living in hostels a lot and adjusted well almost everywhere. But she had a problem sleeping in new places, new bed. It took her a while (read 15 days) to finally get into the new ‘zone’ and get good sleep.
But today, after being here for almost 5 months, she again can’t sleep. Working out for 3 hours in a day should have made her tired, but no. she could not sleep. Even reading did not help, neither did that waste of money soothing tea. She had started dreading night time. It’s not like she got enough sleep in the day that kept her up all night. She just could not sleep.

It was 2:40 am now. The bird that nested outside her window, kept making some kind of noise. She thought maybe that wasn’t letting her sleep. the next day, she got the nest shifted. And that night, she was wide awake, yet again. She laid there still, with her eye mask on but eyes wide open under that. She knew something wasn’t right. She wasn’t fine. ‘’pray’’. She heard that voice in her ears and so, she started praying. Someone said that praying calms you down and so you drift into sweet slumber. So she did. For almost 20 minutes. And how did she know 20 minutes were gone? Because she could not sleep. she took her phone and messaged 6 most trusted contacts/friends on her WhatsApp list, hoping one of them would be up (she even messaged the ones’ in different time zone. Desperation.) and that someone might help her believe that it was all okay and that things would be fine and that by not sleeping she is just making no progress.

Yes. Things were not fine and she knew it but, Confrontation was not one of her strengths. She knew what was bothering her but by plugging in loud music helped to keep the daunting thoughts of being Lost, away. Music helped her feel okay. Yes, she was not ‘okay’ all the time, unlike her friends and peers and people who knew her, thought. She had her share of bad and worst days and these were one of those. She was not ‘okay’ and somehow, with time, she had become stubborn enough to even realize that herself that she wasn’t doing ‘fine’. Stubborn or irrational to her feelings, it was one of them. But she wasn’t sure which one was it but whichever it was, wasn’t helping her. Was making her weak, and sleepless. She had promised a friend for a run at 6:30 am next morning. And now at 3:30 am she finally realized that a run at 6:30 am won’t be possible. So, she messages that friend saying sorry and again lays back. Back into the silence of the night and her life.

‘’It will be alright. I am going to sleep. yes. I am sleeping now. Tomorrow is a new day and I shall make it worth something really awesome. Yes, I will.’’
And she slept.