Has there ever been a moment in your life that you are not really ‘Okay/fine’ but pretend to be because you are the girl who always has it together, figured out, is always ‘Okay’ and so, no one really takes a good look at that ‘fake’ smile that you got. Has this ever happened? if yes, then you would know how She felt at times.
She was the girl who’s always smiling, people don’t care to ask if you’re okay. They always assume that she was fine because her smile fools them every time. The smile that lightens the room she walks in, the smile that just makes people forget that she was hurting. No one knows that sometimes a smile is the only way to hide your pain and sometimes it’s the only way to show that you’re not broken inside.
She was the girl who’s always smiling, people thought she doesn’t feel anything. They think she’ll always forgive them and move on. They think she’ll always forget. But they mistake that smile of her. itdoesn’t mean that she remembers nothing. That even meaningless jokes get to her. That her smile is a sign of her sensitivity and the vulnerability she has been trying to curb. Yes, she is vulnerable at times. But she still smiles. She is the girl who’s always smiling and they pay no heed to the fact that behind that smile flows a river of tears and river of painful stories. She has baggage, just like anyone.
She tries not to lament over her past but, the misinterpretation of her smile made her sad. Who was she fooling? People think that she’ll always smile no matter what happens. But they never go home with her and watch her cry herself to sleep. see her letting her guard down and expose her vulnerable side to the four walls. Those four walls of her room knew she was not faking her smile or her tears. The four walls had become her place. The place where she felt safe, like herself as she did not feel the urge to pretend.
She, my friends, was not smiling as she was not okay.
Picture credits: Khushboo Sahrawat Balhara. I Love you for capturing the moment so well.
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