It's past midnight and you stand and gaze at your body reflected in the mirror before you. The body you just gave away again, even though you knew, you knew he wouldn’t stay. He never promised he would but his deep gazes that locked yours and gave you the belief that he would stay.
You knew he wouldn’t stay.
Your eyes trace the places on our skin where his fingers burned against you as he whispered futile promises upon the hungry needs of your neglected heart. He promised to your naked body- but cared not for your naked soul. You knew he wouldn’t stay. He wasn’t meant to. None of them were.
Yet you lie there still, with your heart beating heavy, in that ocean of maybes and what If’s. what if he craves for your body? And is he does, maybe he will ache for your soul too, someday. Maybe the way he traced your curves, your flesh, he will trace the lines the nerves of your ambition, hopes and dreams make. What if you give yourself away one last time, he will be the one to answer the question that has consumed your heart since your eyes glowed with the brightness of that dress your father got for you on your first birthday--am I lovely?
For this is the eternal mystery you burn for. This question you have. You seek an answer. To know your worth. The time it would take for someone to trace not your curves but your soul, and to fall in love with it. To know you are worth more than just a naked body. To be cherished, loved, valued and protected. For this is what you yearn. To feel, once again, completely and utterly lovely. Mesmerizing.
But where did you go wrong? What did you do wrong when you twirled in that dress your father got? What did you do wrong when you paraded in your high heels with kohl laden eyes and a loud lipstick? Why did your question not get answered? It was never answered as you traded your inner pure soul for this dress up world. You wore loud colors because this world could not stand the sober shades of your soul. You strived and struggled to get noticed. But you missed noticing your own reflection.
You never realized how lovely you are. How much you are worth. And so you give yourself away in the hope he will answer your question. In the hope that he will find you lovely. In the hope that someday, somehow, the imprints of his finger upon your skin will bridge that void in your soul.
But why would he? He never promised to stay. No one does. and once again you are left alone, rummaging through the pieces he left of your naked soul.
But only if you could see.
If only you could see how lovely, you are. How your eyes carry the glow of a thousand fireflies. The way the smile breaks into a childish laugh before. The way your eyes guard your soul. But, they are so deep that if someone had the courage, could see your soul right through them. If only you could hear how your laughter fills the room with a chorus, a chorus that enlightens others’ souls. The smile which could mistake you for a child but also know the art of seduction. The enchantment of your deep thoughts. Your heart, with all its intricacies, brokenness and uncertainties is exquisite, rare, invaluable.
Maybe nobody ever told you. But I’m telling you now.
Do not give yourself away to find the answer to your question.
The answer is already there, staring back at you. You are lovely. Lovelier than you will ever know.
So, wait for the one who falls in love with your naked soul. The one whose eyes will lock your gaze for eternity. The one who will see way beyond your flesh. Wait for him, for he will memorize the moments when your smile would break into a laughter or your eyes fill up with tears as you hold your belly as it hurts. He makes you laugh so hard. He would memorize the quickening of your heartbeat, hold close the rhythm of your breath. He will hear your unspoken words, dust the dreams and hopes hidden in your dark corners, and trace his finger along the stories you keep beneath your flesh.
Wait for him—but not because he is worth it. Because you are worth it, and more.
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